I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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