I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
