Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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