did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
