so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
