So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
either way he was missing a nipple.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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