can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
