Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
