I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Randomize
