It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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