I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
