Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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