How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
