I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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