y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have aggressive nipples.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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