If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
