saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
