I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
don't judge my taste in strippers
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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