Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
