Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
