i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
then he tried to convert me to islam
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
