the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
