I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
