How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
