my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
