Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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