Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
