It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
