Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
this will be a night to untag.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
