The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
