party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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