My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
