Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
