you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
