If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
