I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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