If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
