He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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