He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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