Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
