Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
