I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
