so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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