honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
