I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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