At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
