thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
