Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
