I didn't shave. On purpose
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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