If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
