I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
