youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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