his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
