I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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