I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
