I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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